Some people find that writing their feelings is better than verbalizing them. I am those people. Well I have tried on a diary back in high school and a little on my phone, just not for the public. I have seen Jenna Hamilton in the series Awkward and some other girl in a movie whose title I cant bring myself to remember. Why it’s just girls whom I’ve seen write their feelings to the world, I have no idea; but that is beside the point.
I might not be one of the most private people in the word- I mean, here I am ‘writing out what I feel’- but there’s not much in my life to hide(or well, tell), apart from my passwords, and my boyfriend(s) from my parents and some other things which if I say them here they wont be secrets anymore. I think the problem is that I don’t have any constant friends; I had no friends in elementary school, one best friend in high school and several friends now, most of whom I talk to because I cannot be quiet through an entire day. That might just be it, I talk a lot. So not talking for a few hours locks me with my thoughts and some crazy dreams- but that’s a story for another day.
I consider myself lucky enough to have a friend I can call my best friend now, but not lucky enough to be hers. She has her best friend who might also have her own best friend elsewhere. So when I feel I need to tell her a secret, and she cannot hide it from her best friend who cant hide it from her other friend, this secret will not be a secret at the end of the day. Get me right, I am not complaining. Being the socially awkward person I am, I cannot afford to lose any friend because hunting for other friends is a challenge. I never know what to do with myself; where do I place my hand, what do I do with my feet? What do I say and where do I look?
Perhaps this doesn’t make me a ‘public’ person. Keeping so many things from my best friend for the fear of them becoming known to her best friend makes it hard for me to draw a line between my secrets and just my thoughts. I know there’s a difference but I cant put my finger on it.